I’ve been doing grief work for ten years now, helping to facilitate peer support groups for children and their families. We facilitators meet for a pre-group session before our families come. The purpose of that is to talk about anything going on in our lives that might influence our ability to be present and focused on our grieving families.
Last week at pre-group, I said that I didn’t have anything to say because my life was wonderful. Cee is healthy. We’re loving our two new pug puppies. We’re looking forward to exciting new adventures in our life and in the work we’re planning to do through this blog. Life is wonderful, but I felt like I should apologize for being so happy and upbeat. My good friend Mia told me that I shouldn’t apologize for having a wonderful life. She said the world needs examples of people who have come through heavy duty life experiences and found happiness waiting at the end of the tunnel.
As I sat through the group session that followed, I thought about all the people who were stuck in their grief. I’ve seen so many of them over the years, just telling the same old story over and over again. No wonder they are stuck.
One of the biggest complaints from people dealing with loss is that everyone around them is telling them it’s time to move on. I’m going to encourage them to keep telling their story, but do it by taking a slightly different path. Shift it just a little bit away from the pain, to start remembering something good. Something funny. Something heartwarming. Don’t make massive changes. Just little changes. Little tiny shifts in how you tell your story. That’s your way out of the fog. That’s your next step.
So that’s one of the exciting new things we are going to be working on. The 13th and 14th and 15th steps. And all the steps that come after that. They are boundless in number and beauty.
Love, hugs and peace, my friends.