I think one of the hardest things about dealing with loss is allowing ourselves to feel. We are so conditioned to be stoic, to not inflict our sorrow on others, to be strong, to stuff things down, but that doesn’t remove the pain. In fact, it only makes it worse. It will surface, often when you least expect it and in ways you would never have chosen.
Take a deep breath. Let it out. Honor your feelings.
Hugs and blessings!